Every good and perfect gift!

Today we found out more information about Isabel's COD. Kim doesn't want me to go into too much detail but it wasn't a stroke. For a month I've felt so numb but now I have a greater sense of closure. I praise God for putting Sunny and Alice Thomas into our lives. We shared an evening with them and we were so blessed by their hospitality and wisdom. We both have kids with disabilities and it was so good to just compare notes and divine perspective.

This whole time I've been thinking from the perspective that God has to work around the accidents that occur in this world due to our sinful nature but however true that may be he is still 100% SOVEREIGN and ever present.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

Emily, my first daughter, you are a good and perfect gift from Heaven. You may have struggles now but God is not finished with you yet! When we are in Heaven we will run and not stumble or grow tired. God has blessed me to be your Father.

Isabel, my second daughter, you are a good and perfect gift from Heaven. I held you as your light went out and bathed you in my tears. I never got to see what color your eyes were but I can't wait to meet you and find out. I love you so much it physically hurts me and though I miss you now I know that when our family is reunited all will be perfect.

Kimberly, my wife, you are a good and perfect gift from Heaven. In the past 9 years we've been through a lot. I've heard that some marriages don't make it after a child dies... As I write this it is 1:37am and I'm sitting next to you in bed while you gently snore. I'm hoping my weeping and typing doesn't wake you up. I want you to know that I'm more in love with you now than ever before. I am so proud of you. I've watched you mature into a strong woman of God and it makes me fall all over for you again just thinking about it. I know we're beat up right now but trust me, God has something great in store for us.

Lord Jesus, my savior, thank you for these gifts. I have more than I deserve; 2 beautiful children, a devoted wife, and you. Thank you for not being fickle. Thank you for your consistent Love. Thank you for not giving up on me.

That got a lot more emotional than I thought it would. I keep thinking what this might look like to somebody who doesn't have my perspective on things. Just know that my faith in God got me through all of this. It sounds cheesy but it's true. If I didn't have Jesus this post could have turned into a selfish sounding suicide letter. I just hope everybody can see how real God is through my experiences. Conventional wisdom would say that Kim and I would be on the verge of divorce with nothing left to live for. A real Faith in God is essential in life and in death. Don't you we all want something real?