One year ago today my Daughter Isabel Grace Wren was born and after a few minutes she died. The experience of losing a child has profoundly changed myself and my family for the better. I can honestly say that this year has been the best we've ever had. For probably the first time I think I'm walking in God's will for my life.
The grieving process has been a very unpredictable one for me. It seems that the intense waves of emotional grief have been brief and rare. I've spent months feeling numb but confident. A year later when I revisit the series of events that lead up to her death I have to fight back the regret. I feel it's dangerous to think of how it could have been different if one thing or another would have been different.
This year I went through a thing called the Chazown experience at church/work. It' a great set of curriculum that's designed to align your life with God's plan for you. The main premise being that everybody ends up somewhere but few end up there on purpose. The process for finding one's Chazown has you go through your past experiences, core values and spiritual gifts; where they intersect is your Chazown. After you find your Chazown you're supposed to plan the next part of your life. One of the questions in the books asks you what the next chapter of your life will be called, I put down "Having more kids, getting healthy, and becoming a pastor". Everything is going well on all fronts. I've lost 40 pounds and 2 pant sizes in just 3 months!
Today I'll share the song that I picked out for Isabel's funeral. It's called Do You Realize by The Flaming Lips. Listen to the lyrics. They've always been comforting to me.
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I think that it goes without saying, but any words I've attempted to share here are so inadequate. I've never lost a child. I've never even imagined it. I'm so uplifted by watching you and Kim from afar. There isn't a cliche that even seems appropriate, so I'll spare you. I just want you to know that Wendy and I are very encouraged by your bravery and how you are leading your family. I'm very fortunate to have you as a friend, I'm even more proud to have you as a brother.
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